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Once everyone is comfortable, ensure everybody has a copy of what has been negotiated. Do not make the children pass on messages in case there is a need to talk or discuss anything you should be telling it yourself. The children need not know about the negativity that exists between the parents.

And for the record, my toddler has grown into a sweet, caring, empathetic, sincere child who can deliver a genuine apology when he knows he’s in the wrong or breaks the rules. A narcissist isn’t willingly going to seek therapy for self-improvement (they’re perfect, the problem is everyone else), so there likely won’t be an official, clinical diagnosis. But co-parenting with a narcissist is just as tormenting, if not more so.

Create a family plan

Co-parenting with a controlling ex often demands of you to be the bigger person. We know it’s hard, but remember you are doing this for your kids. And we hope the rest of our co-parenting tips will help with this goal.

When your goal becomes a way to make the other parent pay for their mistakes or doing things out of spite, no good karma can come from that. Yes, even when that person may be deserving of all the smoke. If you aren’t careful, you can become a toxic person. Every parent deserves a loving relationship with their child. Therefore, support it and be mindful of what you say about the other parent in front of your children. Sara Zaske discusses her new book and shares parenting styles that can make children self-reliant with several instances and anecdotes.

” or “You never do anything right” can lead to anxiety in children. Parents who are overly critical react negatively to a child’s conduct or performance rather than finding constructive ways to teach a lesson. My kids know their mother cheated and she had no problem bringing her affair partner into or house in front of us all while we were married and paraded him around. The kids struggle with her because she continues to force him onto them. They enjoy their time with me because I’ve chosen to focus on them and myself and they recognize that.

Malignant NPD Parent

We need to know the best way to support our partners and our stepkids while also protecting ourselves. I am definately working on my emotional intelligence using your article. I have been struggling 10 years with depression, suffered 33 years inmarriage bcoz my husband is still married to his ex and my stepdaughter. He turns everything n blame me for everything n still side his 35 year old daughter on everything.

Put your mental health up front, seek counseling if needed, practice true self-care. Take the job, make the move, write the article. Nothing will upset your ex more than you living life on your own terms. So be authentically you, and do it with a smile. A companion article offers tips for being a good co-parent, addressing the “positive” side of the equation – what steps you can take to help your custody case. This article focuses on the opposite – avoid the negative acts that will peg you as a bad co-parent in the eyes of the family law judge.

Our main priority as parents, divorced or not, is to ensure that our kids have a happy, healthy, stable and balanced life. But for many divorcing or divorced parents, emotions run high and conflict with our former spouse feels unavoidable. Finally, never forget that your primary goal should be to stop the cycle. Most narcissists come from a family with a narcissistic parent themselves. A narcissist can’t truly love because they don’t know how to love themselves.

The interest they show in their child’s live isn’t genuine—they’re more interested in how their child’s life appears to the outside world. In fact, it’s never too late to change any of the behaviors of toxic parenting and mend those relationships. Parenting is never easy all the time, but it’s always worth the effort every time. Once the smoke has cleared from a divorce, former spouses have to go about the business of raising kids together.

Now, you need to figure out how to work with him on raising the most important people in your world. Whatever the relationship used to be it is now a business relationship. You are in the business of raising children together. Like many business relationships liking him or not liking him is irrelevant.

They become almost obsessed with continuously discussing such topics because they aren’t taking any action to alleviate the pressure. Make sure you don’t get in the spiral trap by doing this about your ex. If you feel like an ex is consuming your time and energy, then your particular rule for date night is only to focus on you and your partner. You need a break, and I guarantee your partner does too. Date nights are essential to keeping a strong connection with your partner and allowing you time to focus on your relationship. Set boundaries where needed (e.g., set your Facebook information on private).

Your partner is the experienced parent, and they’re probably not interested in having you step in and critique their parenting style or discipline tactics, particularly early on in a relationship. That said, it is worth considering if you see compatibility with your partner’s parenting approach. Especially early on, you should anticipate biting your tongue a lot. It’s important to respect that there are many ways to parent—and that your partner is the parent of the child. When you experience jealousy, stop and acknowledge the emotion. If, after giving it some thought, you think the issue is worth bringing up, find some time when the two of you can talk about it alone.