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To deal with a perfectionist at work, avoid challenging them on every issue, which will only lead to unnecessary conflict. For example, if they complain about a minor detail, try responding in a non-committal way or by saying “Yes” so you can move on. When you feel an issue is involved that you can’t ignore, try asking the perfectionist what they want you to do differently, since showing them you care about their opinion may make them more constructive.


This will help your partner become aware of their negative behavior. However, if their toxic behavior continues it can be best to seek professional help and counseling. The secret to happiness is to identify the relationship problems that can be productively solved and letting go of the unsolvable problems. Commit to staying together, even though this is something you don’t like,” adds Boon.

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Because you wouldn’t have to try that hard otherwise. Women will unfortunately see through try-harding and recognize your insecurity immediately. Perfectionism often hinders your success because it slows you down to the point where it almost paralyzes you. It compels you to aim for excellence but then you keep raising the bar on yourself. You then become so results-driven that you don’t enjoy the process and eventually quit because it’s so unsustainable.

Although the science is imperfect, perfectionism appears to blossom from some combination of genetic predisposition, parental behavior or modeling, and sociocultural factors. In addition to modeling emotional distress and anxiety about their own performance, there is evidence that perfectionist parents are more critical, demanding, and less supportive of their children. Perfectionist parents may use affection and approval as a reward for flawless performance.

Their focus can become rigidly set on the avoidance of pain to the degree that a perfectionist loses a sense of what actually creates and sustains emotional connection. Being in a relationship with a perfectionist can feel challenging. Not because your perfectionist partner is unlovable, but because the rigidity of their mindset and their ultra-high expectations of self can have a rippling impact on your relationship. A primary goal of perfectionism is to avoid emotional pain.

Some of it is the way you’re raised as a child, some of it may just be your wiring, some of it may be significant relationships you had as an adult. People who have avoidant attachment styles also experience kind of psychological distress around relationships, but rather than worry about losing intimacy, they worry about losing autonomy and independence. They see relationships as being threats to their independence, and so they tend to react to closeness and intimacy or a bid by a partner for closeness and intimacy by wanting to create space and distance.

Yes, opposites attract But if you’re a planner too may not reach the level of planning It might be good It raises your anxiety and need for planning. As part of your account, you’ll receive occasional updates and offers from New York, which you can opt out of anytime. Perfectionism isn’t all bad as people with this tendency often have a different way of assessing situations, which is tied to greater well-being. High achievers are often pulled toward their goals by a desire to achieve them. They are also happy with any steps made in the right direction. Perfectionists, on the other hand, tend to be pushed by a fear of anything less than a perfectly met goal.

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If your odious co-worker is going on about an inconsequential detail, just remain noncommittal. Sometimes a perfectionist may hide their insecurities by using criticism. Some perfectionists may not be willing to delegate to others, so it’s best to let them work independently on projects that require a unified vision to be successful. Many perfectionists are hard workers, which are admirable qualities for an employee to possess. However, some perfectionists have a tendency to hone in on small components of a project rather than looking at the big picture.

Those standards include a partner’s expectation of how a woman should look, how often they should be having sex, or what positions they should be trying. If you see some of these perfectionist traits in yourself, don’t despair. Recognizing that a change may be needed is a very important first step. Unhealthy perfectionism can make it difficult to achieve your goals.

On the other hand, perfectionists have been found to be more motivated and conscientious than their non-perfectionist peers, both highly desirable traits in an employee. So I’m going to focus mostly on anxious attachment and how I see it relating to perfectionism and all or nothing, black and white thinking. For a perfectionist, this can feel like a nightmare, but sometimes our best laid plans simply don’t work out, either due to human error or to outside circumstances. There might a healthier or less intense way to cope with unexpected changes or obstacles.

The downsides of perfectionism

Yet a perfectionist never lets a mentor discern areas for growth and development. And so a perfectionist’s desperate need to appear flawless may sabotage the value of mentoring or coaching. Even if a mentor astutely diagnoses a mentee’s perfectionism, the mentee may resist the mentor’s efforts to accept imperfection.

The reasons why you or your partner procrastinates stems from various reasons and influences. Although procrastination at some point is normal, we should not let this unpleasant habit and the effects of procrastination get the best of us and our relationships. Setting a timer is one of the ways on how to handle procrastination.